Lists that explain life and everything

We live in a world of constant change and trouble. Rules that have for many decades defined the way we live and think are today washed away within months. Therefore a manual "how to manage life" is strongly desired by many uprooted beings today. Der hundertste Affe proudly initiates "Lists that explain life and all the rest" to contribute a solution to this problem.

10 Reasons to use the elevator
10 You could fall down the stairs
9 You could meet someone you fancy in the elevator
8 You could get stuck while you are in the elevator with someone you fancy
7 You can be alone for a moment without smelling toilet cleaner
6 You have an excuse for coming too late (the elevator was behind scedule)
5 You value the achievements of modern civilisation more
4 You can play with blinking buttons
3 You have the illusion of being faster than taking the stairs (although it is just an illusion)
2 You save 6 Calories for each storey (equals one slice of carrot) so you can eat less and leave the mensa earlier and save precious time of your life which you can use to work on your career.
1 it´s convenient

10 ways to get really rich really fast (but without prostiution, bank-robbery, marriage-impostment)
10 find the amber chamber or a pirate´s treasure
9 find a music company and record beatles songs in punk version
8 establish pebble stones as a new currency
7 pretend you are a child and sue Michael Jackson for compensation
6 sell your youth/innocence/common sense/ everything else that is left (hi Marcus!)
5 get a job (ha ha)
4 in Würzburg, Germany, there is a pub called "House of the 111 Beers". If you manage to drink all 111 different sorts of beer they have there in one evening, the owner will give you his pub for free. go for it.
3 pretend you are god and try to claim copyright for the bible
2 get famous (sleep with a celeb then visit talk-shows then make advertising or write a book about it)
1 set up a spam-mail with the title "10 ways to get really rich really fast" and sell this list

10 unsolved mysteries
10 Loch Ness
9 What happened in Tunguska?
8 The Tale of little Bastard
7 Who elected Schwarzenegger?
6 Bigfoot
5 Who killed Olaf Palme?
4 Where is Toscani?
3 Paul McCartney and his body-double
2 Why did Jack Ruby shoot Lee Harvey?
1 How you can learn Italian in a few months

10 ways to say "happy birthday" to someone without using the word "birthday"
10 "You look different today. Hmm, more mature in a way."
9 Approach the person silently. Shake his hand as if you would like to express your condolence. breathe heavily. walk away.
8 "Hey what is all that cake for? I thought you were on diet"
7 "Cheer up buddy"
6 "Do you also think of your own mortality sometimes?"
5 on the stairways overtake the person by kicking and pulling. on the top of the stairways say to the person "you´re getting older, huh?"
4 Try another language e.g. "suksan wan goeed" (thai)
3 "I just read this amazing article about mozart. He wrote his first compositions with 5 years. By the way what are you working on at the moment?"
2 approach the person, look irritated then say "ah you must be the younger sister of ..."
1 recite a poem. Something like "time is a blossoming flower, it fades with the seasons..."

10 farm animals but not cow pig sheep, ect
10 rabbits
9 spiders
8 chickenpox
7 earthworms (the farmer´s best friend)
6 scavengers
5 dextrorotatory lactic acid bacterias (you can hear them turn in a glass of milk!)
4 levorotatory lactic acid bacterias (never stir your cappucino counter-clockwise – that confuses them)
3 grasshppers (they can jump up to 25 metres – with good wind conditions)
2 flies ( cow´s tails only evolved to scare them away)
1 tapeworms (10000 in one cow pat)

10 Things I did when I was a teenager (requested by juan)
10 grew my hair to my shoulders
9 thought that cat stevens was the best musician ever
8 went to a non-stop-slowdance-party 4 boys 4 girls constantly changing partners
7 wore my father´s old woolen jackets
6 fell in love with the most beautiful girl in class
5 dated another (who was not so pretty but sexually ruthless)
4 refused to buy any CDs but bought a lot of crappy hard- and psycedelic-rock LPs instead
3 drank a bottle of tequila ´cause i was lovesick, puked the whole night, felt better afterwards
2 spent weeks playing Lucasfilm game "Maniac Mansion" on a four color PC
1 learned the text of "We will rock you" by heart

10 inventions that changed the life of birds
10 airplanes
9 animal documentaries (above all disney productions)
8 swedish porn movies
7 memorials
6 skycrapers
5 Kentucky Fried Chicken
4 Donal Duck, Woody Woodpecker, Tweety, Woodstock ect.
3 Guernica
2 pet shops
1 bird whistles